Alright everybody, here is the ultimate guide on how to tip your server. Now,
I bet you are thinking 'I am an amazing tipper.' Well, maybe you are, but there
is a good chance that you have participated in some of the bigger errors mentioned
below. If you have, I assure you that whoever your server was, they DO remember
you.
Now, I am not the type of guy to spit in your food or drink, nor are most servers in the industry. However, there are a good few of you out there
that make us want to piss on your face. Take a look to see what I mean.
The Standard Tipping Rule
Back in the day people would tip on the amount before tax. Luckily, that little
bit of cheapness has worn off for most and now most tip on the entire bill. How
do you choose what to tip? The solution is easy. For every $20 on the bill, you
should tip $3. Therefore, a $40 bill will mean a $6 tip and a $160 bill will mean
a $24 tip. This is a sure way to leave a restaurant not looking like a cheap ass.
What do you do if the bill is $30 or increments of $30? Tip $5 for every $30 on
the bill. So, if the bill is $30, tip $5. If the bill is $90, tip $15. Sure, it
does put you about 1% over the standard 15%, but, remember, you are NOT cheap.
Free Shit Tipping
If the server decides to hook you up with free drinks, sodas or desert. You should AT LEAST tip him/her on the basis
of what the bill should have been. So, if your bill was $50, but the server handed over some $10 in free treats, then you better tip like your
bill was $60. You can also be nice and add another buck or two in appreciation of the savings.
Discount Tippers
This is a big one because there are a ton of people who do this one. I had a table of four one time that got all their food for free. The bill should have been about $75 dollars, so they are making out like
bandits. What do they do? Tip my ass on discount. What was my tip? Zero effin dollars! Unheard of right? Well, there is a good chance you have done this too.
If you have coupons that drop your bill from $80 to $40, remember that the server
had to still work like he would for an $80 bill. Judging that you have coupons
to drop a bill like that, you probably made this server work extra hard; cheap
ass. Anywho, tip on the ORIGINAL amount that the bill would have been. If the
bill was $120 but marked down to $80, you better tip on that $120 and then some
[and I do mean then some]. You would normally tip $18 on $120 but, since you got
the discount, better at least make it $20.
Split Checks
Splitting checks is a pain in the ass, but we all do it. Therefore, tip an extra
dollar or two for every split required on a check. If your large party requires
more splits then five, kick yourself in the ass and tip a bonus $12 at least.
If you have coupons and you want a split? Don't get me started...
Cocktail Tipping
I don't know who started this myth, but they are an idiot. Some people out there believe that they should tip less on alcohol or on the entire bill in general
if they are sitting in the bar or cocktail section. WRONG! If anything, you are completely fucking over the server who is helping you. Servers have to tip out on alcohol sales, meaning they
actually make less on bills with alcohol; sometimes close to nothing. Now, lets imagine that you and some buddies have a $100 bill, with $80 being alcohol and $20 being food. Your cheap-ass instincts kick into gear and
you decide to give $10, considering that the alcohol does not count as food. Congrats, now you server really hates you. Considering that the standard tip-out rate on alcohol sales is somewhere near
10%, the server has to hand $8 of the $10 over to the bar or bartender. Hence, the server wasted time by even visiting your table.
The key thing about tipping is that servers do appreciate it, and they do remember you. If you are a frequent visitor to a particular restaurant, you better
tip on best behavior; or soon you will see the evil looks and giggles from all servers as you enter the restaurant. That's right, they are mocking you.
