1. If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
2. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
3. Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
4. If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
5. Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.
6. When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
7. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
8. Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
9. Jack Bauer once won a game of rock paper scissors using niether rock, paper nor scissors.
10. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
11. When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
12. Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
13. Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
14. If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.
15. Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
16. Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
17. Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
18. Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
19. Jack Bauer does not use birth control, he simply demands that you not get pregnant.
20. Jack Bauer removed the "Escape" button from his keyboard. Jack Bauer never needs to escape.
21. Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
